So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
