I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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