real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
