He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
