She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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