He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Randomize
