i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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