I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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