Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
