Three words: puerto rican gang bang
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
