Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
