every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
