no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
