Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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