The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
