Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
