peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
