I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i've created a new STD.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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