Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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