she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
