Your mouth is God's brothel.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
