Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
