How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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