I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
