I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
