the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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