You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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