the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
