I wanna passion pit in your ass
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
