I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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