i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
