Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i wish my penis had a tongue
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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