theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
