i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
