So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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