So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
