So drunk its hurt
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
