Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
