Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
