I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
