For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
