Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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