So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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