Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
