OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
