Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
