i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
