Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
