If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so let's talk penis.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
