Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
