Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
