God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
