Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize