So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
