Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
