guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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