I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
