My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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