I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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