I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
