I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
