He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
