I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
