I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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