she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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