the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize