Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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