My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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