considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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