hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
