My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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