I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
