I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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